The following text is an extract from a travelogue about the writer's first visit to the Maldives. Down below there was water - lots of water. The screen on the maroon seat on my plane from Colombo in Sri Lanka to Male, capital of the Maldives, showed that we were crossing the 'Indischer Ozean'. Thin white streaks of waves broke on a peninsula bristling with jade-topped palm trees: our last glimpse of the mainland. Then there was blue an enormity of blue. The Indischer stretched to the horizon, gargantuan, all-encompassing, seeming to roll onwards for ever. It was a mesmerising sight. On the surface of the sea I could make out the faintest of movements, an almost imperceptible sway. The tiniest of undulations, the briefest stir, visible for a split second then gone. The motion returned and went away once more. From thirty thousand feet, far from the peaks and troughs of the swell, the ocean was a lumbering creature, somehow alive, quietly breathing in and out. Rust-red cargo ships stood sentinel on the gently pulsing sea. They appeared hopelessly lost, minuscule man-made outposts in the infinite seascape. And as we rose through ribbons of cloud, the surface of the aqueous world began to alter. Glimmers of silver emerged, spreading outwards and blooming into a metallic sheen. The blue, after a tantalising spell of indigo, morphed into a mercurial swirl. As I looked through the oval window I began to readjust my place on the planet. From now on it was water, not land, that mattered. The Indian Ocean nation of the Maldives is the flattest country on earth (the highest 'hill' is 7ft 10in) and stretches about 515 miles from north to south, bulging to just 80 miles at its widest point. Among the 1192 islands, 100 are 'resort islands', for tourists only, while 198 are categorised as ‘inhabited'. All the islands and reefs and lagoons together amount to 35300 square miles, about the size of North Island in New Zealand, but the territory is 99.9 per cent water, and most of the 0.1 per cent of land is about three feet above the sea. There was water, water everywhere – and my first sight of Maldivian terra firma came in the form of a beetle-shaped island with curving leg-like jetties studded with hotel villas. Thick green palm groves at the centre of the island acted as the beetle's back. The land was almost perfectly circular and surrounded by a flawless rim of white sand. Beyond, the ocean disappeared in a swirl of clouds in the direction of Africa. This beetle was followed by another bug-shaped creation, and another, and then a series of islands that appeared uninhabited. These were thin and stretched out in irregular ovals. They were unlike anything I'd seen before. There was something almost surreal about their wobbly shapes, the way they undulated in long curves adorned by foaming waves. Many of the circles barely rose above the ocean. I already knew that what I was seeing was the tip of coral reefs that ringed ancient underwater volcanic peaks. These now-extinct volcanoes were the result of the meeting of tectonic plates. They had once towered above the water, but over the millennia had subsided, leaving both lagoons and the higher ground on which Maldivians lived. The English naturalist Charles Darwin, no less, had first recognised coral reefs – known as atolls when the reefs circled a lagoon – and explained their formation when pottering about the world's oceans in the 1830s on his ship, HMS Beagle. The peaks were part of an enormous ridge that ran from Madagascar to India, the submerged mountain range to which I was headed.
- (a)Comment on the ways in which the writer uses language and style in the extract.[15]
- (b)Imagine you are the writer and have landed on one of the islands. Basing your writing closely on the style and features of the original, continue the travelogue using between 120 and 150 of your own words. You do not need to bring your response to a conclusion.[10]
Mark scheme
Marking points from the official mark scheme (May/June 2018). The mark or mark type is shown in brackets.
- Marking for part (a) is based on the Generic Marking Principles for Commentary (maximum 15 marks):
- [13-15] Band 1: Shows perceptive appreciation of content and ideas. Fluidly relates content to structure, form, audience, purpose, genre, style. Shows keen awareness of intentions of passage. Analyses text with sensitive and discriminating awareness of how language creates effects. Moves with ease between part and whole in discussing specific examples of language use and the effect of the whole passage. Strong structure; may be concise; quotation is used fluently, 'embedded' in the argument.
- [10-12] Band 2: Shows consistent appreciation of content and ideas. Able to relate content to structure, form, audience, purpose, genre, style, main aims of passage. Analyses text, with awareness of the effects created. Able to relate part to whole in discussing specific examples of language use and the effect of the whole passage. Strong structure used to convey clear argument.
- [8-9] Band 3: Shows steady engagement with content/ideas of piece. Shows general understanding of structure, form, audience, purpose, genre, style of passage. Thorough analysis of passage is made, correctly identifying a range of features of language, giving examples, and showing ability to explain how they create effects with some relation of part to whole. Clear structure, sustained focus.
- [6-7] Band 4: Shows some engagement with content/ideas of piece. Shows general, overall understanding of structure, form, audience, purpose, genre, style of passage. Appropriate points are made, correctly identifying some features of language use, giving examples, and showing some ability to explain how they create effects. May be a fragmented approach. Clear structure; may be 'line-by-line'; essay may drift in and out of focus.
- [3-5] Band 5: Makes some relevant points about content. Shows some understanding of some aspects of structure, audience, form, purpose, genre, style of passage, but with some failures to identify key features and or misunderstanding. Some relevant points made, identifying a restricted range of examples of language use. Some examples are not related to the effects created. Some examples may be listed without development. Much generalisation. Little structure. Points may be rather disconnected.
- [0-2] Band 6: Comments on content of passage. May be confused. Very few, if any, points made about language of passage. May be unclear. Expression breaks down at times. Very short work. Unstructured.
- Marking for part (b) is based on the Generic Marking Principles for Directed Writing (maximum 10 marks):
- [8-10] A perceptive recognition of context, audience, form, and purpose supported by a good range of appropriate vocabulary and expression suitable for the task. Responses at the top of this band will be persuasive and confident, supported by a consistent, and at best personal, engagement with context and purpose, using fluent and accurate expression accompanied by a strong sense of audience.
- [6-7] A clear and informed sense of purpose, context, form and relevance supported by a reasonable attempt to use language appropriate for the task.
- [4-5] An adequate attempt, but marked by an inconsistent and uneven sense of purpose, form, context and style. Generally sound expression and accuracy.
- [2-3] The beginnings of an answer, but limited by an inappropriate sense of style, form, purpose and language. Expression and accuracy may be limited.
- [0-1] Confused and unfocused sense of purpose, form, context and audience. Wholly inappropriate language and style. Work may be brief or fragmented and expression very limited.
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